I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Amy and I am a mum of two healthy boys. I gave birth to my youngest son just before Christmas and feel comfortable saying that we have definitely finished having children.

I have always struggled a bit with my weight, but probably more importantly with my body image. Coming from a family with a petite mother and sister my size 14 frame always felt bulky, oversized and generally ‘unpretty”. This image was perpetuated by what I saw in magazines, TV shows, movies, beauty ads. You name it there was not a lot that helped me to feel ok about how I looked. This caused my weight to fluctuate regularly with me gaining and loosing kilos like a good yo-yo dieter should.

It took me a long time to make peace with my larger frame and accept my body, any myself for what I was.

Fast forward a few years and I finally had a better grip on my weight and how I felt about myself. I found self confidence, began exercising, running further than I thought I could, lifting heavier than I thought I could and damn if I didn’t begin to love myself and the body I was in. Then I got pregnant.

Pregnancy wasn’t kind to me. I got big and despite my high hopes I didn’t just ‘bounce back’. My body had changed again and now I found that I didn’t have the time or the energy to pour into me. Exercising twice a day was out which meant just eating the way I used to eat didn’t do anything to shift the post baby kilos. As my self esteem plummeted I started to stop looking after myself, the yo-yo was back and finally, when my son was 2 I went and got some help from my doctor to manage my weight and treat mild anxiety and depression. I was still on medication for the anxiety and depression when I fell pregnant with our second son.

Pregnancy round 2 was no better than round 1 but I was already behind the eight ball with my weight and self image. I topped the scales at 113 kilograms and felt all the old feelings of self loathing rising up in me. I decided I needed to make a change for me, for my marriage and for my family.

So this year I decided start making some positive changes to my life. I need to stop dwelling on how I used to be and focus on what I can be now. I’m not going to lie, weight loss will definitely be a part of it but the goal is real and driven by health and a love for myself, not what I’m seeing in magazines. Above anything its about me making sustainable long term changes in my life. I’m using this blog to track my journey and keep me on track, to remind me that my goal is to be happy and to be healthy – not skinny, not outrageously fit, not like anyone else except for me.

So this is my accountability space, my space to reflect on how I’m tracking, to get my thoughts down and hopefully have something I can reflect on with pride in 12 months time. Here’s to a happier and healthier me!